LIVING IN STEPS 10, 11 AND 12
Q--After having been through the process, even multiple times, how do I keep strong with Steps 10, 11 and 12 while returning to Step 1 for another round of Big Book Step Study?
A--Stephanie:
"We have a mental twist that says I don't measure up, and I am going to do anything and everything to help my ego feel like I measure up. So when you have been through a workshop like this, there is the group mentality that this is Step 1, and we get lost in that herd mentality. They are all excited about step one and uncovering this, that and the other thing. I want to stay strong in being honest and being connected to God. I want to be 100 percent honest with 100 percent of my life. I can only be honest when I am doing Steps 10, 11 and 12. Step 1 is really doing an inventory of ourselves and Step 1 is admitting we are powerless. When you admit you are powerless, who has the power but God? People who are just coming into the program are just discovering they are powerless. When you already know you are powerless, you have to protect that precious knowledge, and you only protect it by doing 10, 11 and 12. So there is absolutely no other way to really re-do this big book step study workshop and really do it with God's help unless you do stay in 10, 11 and 12. Imagine a homeless and penniless man coming into program for the first time with just the clothes on his back. Having already been through the process, God has blessed you with a really nice, appropriate spring coat, winter coat and summer coat. This poor man coming in has no new coat. He is so excited because he is working to get a coat to cover himself and to protect himself. We have already worked to get the spring, summer and winter coat to protect ourselves. That is a pretty good analogy. Working Steps 10, 11 and 12 is protecting yourself. You have the spiritual tools to keep you away from the hot summer, the spring rain, and the freezing cold of the disease. Working 10, 11 and 12 will give you the ability to do Step 1 well and to be able to help your sponsees who are just waking up to the experience, strength and hope of how awesome it is to be sober and get into a relationship with God." (From 9/6/18 closing workshop)
A--One member's experience, strength and hope on this question:
Hope: Gearing up for a fourth round of the All Addictions Big Book Step Study process, I can attest that relapse in the various and undetected addictions over the years has been a direct result of practicing weakened versions of Steps 10, 11 and 12. Honesty would slip under the radar. Without Step 10 sweeping the spiritual cobwebs effectively enough, Step 4 material quietly accumulated without my conscious knowledge. Each time I'd begin around of steps again, the main focus turned to Step 1. In this new round of steps starting September 13, 2018, my intention is to keep the strongest focus on 10, 11 and 12, and not get lost in Step 1. I have hope to die to self as the AA 12/12 book describes in the famous prayer on page 99. So working Steps 1-12 again is funeral preparation, figuratively. All addictions have been leveled to ground zero, so now I'm hoping God raises me from the ashes and sets me firmly in the path of His feet. For this to happen, a strong 10-11-12 practice has to happen. That means an in-the-moment approach to turnarounds as outlined on page 84 big book to stay right with people in Step 10. That means quiet time and practicing big book pages 86-88 to stay consciously close to God in Step 11. That means carrying all I've practiced and experienced into all areas of my life, in order to be of the greatest help to others in Step 12.
Experience: The big book process adds up. I experienced the psychic change at 4 p.m. on May 23, 1999 as a result of the first process. I know the date and time because the shift was so profound in that quiet hour the Big Book says to take after Step 5. My sponsor had called the process heart surgery, and I had an amazing sensation of a new puzzle piece inserted into my heart --a piece that I can still physically feel as the presence of God to this day. In 2009, I concluded another round of the process, freeing me from the grips of yet another addiction that had destroyed my 16-year marriage. And I began a third round in 2012 with Stephanie "over the food," beginning a personal relationship with God in Step 2. I learned the difference between a personality (psychic) change, and having a relationship with God. For example, I'll never forget in quiet time one morning when I heard the still small voice whisper, "Thanks for the hour, could I now have your other 23?" I wonder how many hours He has now.
Strength: It's all God's. In the second half of Step 11, it tells me I have to ask for power to carry out knowledge of His will." I've had a lot of knowledge without strength or power, simply because I didn't ask Him for the power. All I have to do is ask. And I've heard His strength is greatest in my greatest weakness. What do I have to fear? He is my strength. And my relationship with Him is my strength.
A--Stephanie:
"We have a mental twist that says I don't measure up, and I am going to do anything and everything to help my ego feel like I measure up. So when you have been through a workshop like this, there is the group mentality that this is Step 1, and we get lost in that herd mentality. They are all excited about step one and uncovering this, that and the other thing. I want to stay strong in being honest and being connected to God. I want to be 100 percent honest with 100 percent of my life. I can only be honest when I am doing Steps 10, 11 and 12. Step 1 is really doing an inventory of ourselves and Step 1 is admitting we are powerless. When you admit you are powerless, who has the power but God? People who are just coming into the program are just discovering they are powerless. When you already know you are powerless, you have to protect that precious knowledge, and you only protect it by doing 10, 11 and 12. So there is absolutely no other way to really re-do this big book step study workshop and really do it with God's help unless you do stay in 10, 11 and 12. Imagine a homeless and penniless man coming into program for the first time with just the clothes on his back. Having already been through the process, God has blessed you with a really nice, appropriate spring coat, winter coat and summer coat. This poor man coming in has no new coat. He is so excited because he is working to get a coat to cover himself and to protect himself. We have already worked to get the spring, summer and winter coat to protect ourselves. That is a pretty good analogy. Working Steps 10, 11 and 12 is protecting yourself. You have the spiritual tools to keep you away from the hot summer, the spring rain, and the freezing cold of the disease. Working 10, 11 and 12 will give you the ability to do Step 1 well and to be able to help your sponsees who are just waking up to the experience, strength and hope of how awesome it is to be sober and get into a relationship with God." (From 9/6/18 closing workshop)
A--One member's experience, strength and hope on this question:
Hope: Gearing up for a fourth round of the All Addictions Big Book Step Study process, I can attest that relapse in the various and undetected addictions over the years has been a direct result of practicing weakened versions of Steps 10, 11 and 12. Honesty would slip under the radar. Without Step 10 sweeping the spiritual cobwebs effectively enough, Step 4 material quietly accumulated without my conscious knowledge. Each time I'd begin around of steps again, the main focus turned to Step 1. In this new round of steps starting September 13, 2018, my intention is to keep the strongest focus on 10, 11 and 12, and not get lost in Step 1. I have hope to die to self as the AA 12/12 book describes in the famous prayer on page 99. So working Steps 1-12 again is funeral preparation, figuratively. All addictions have been leveled to ground zero, so now I'm hoping God raises me from the ashes and sets me firmly in the path of His feet. For this to happen, a strong 10-11-12 practice has to happen. That means an in-the-moment approach to turnarounds as outlined on page 84 big book to stay right with people in Step 10. That means quiet time and practicing big book pages 86-88 to stay consciously close to God in Step 11. That means carrying all I've practiced and experienced into all areas of my life, in order to be of the greatest help to others in Step 12.
Experience: The big book process adds up. I experienced the psychic change at 4 p.m. on May 23, 1999 as a result of the first process. I know the date and time because the shift was so profound in that quiet hour the Big Book says to take after Step 5. My sponsor had called the process heart surgery, and I had an amazing sensation of a new puzzle piece inserted into my heart --a piece that I can still physically feel as the presence of God to this day. In 2009, I concluded another round of the process, freeing me from the grips of yet another addiction that had destroyed my 16-year marriage. And I began a third round in 2012 with Stephanie "over the food," beginning a personal relationship with God in Step 2. I learned the difference between a personality (psychic) change, and having a relationship with God. For example, I'll never forget in quiet time one morning when I heard the still small voice whisper, "Thanks for the hour, could I now have your other 23?" I wonder how many hours He has now.
Strength: It's all God's. In the second half of Step 11, it tells me I have to ask for power to carry out knowledge of His will." I've had a lot of knowledge without strength or power, simply because I didn't ask Him for the power. All I have to do is ask. And I've heard His strength is greatest in my greatest weakness. What do I have to fear? He is my strength. And my relationship with Him is my strength.